Saturday, July 4, 2009

Days go by.

The days go by, some fast, some slow. Its hard to watch the other babys that were born just a month before you and a month after you thrive and do so well. They were supposed to be your little friends. But God had other plans.

Each day I watch over your roommate from the nicu and and think why is this not you.
Its almost your birthday, we have no big plans. I think we are going to have a little cake for you and light your remembrance candle, and let one balloon go in the sky for you.
Its so hard to explain to your brother why he cant see you. We go anywhere near the hospital and he starts crying, he starts asking why he cant see you. We tell him that you are not there and he just does not understand. I told him the other day that it was going to be a long tiem untill we saw you and get said lets go to the dr he is there. I told him no that you were gone and he said to heaven and I said yes. Riley said he wanted to go see you there and I told him not yet. He asked why and i said that you had died and that was the only way to get to see you. And he said no MOM Ethan is not dead he is at the drs.
We went to a service for all the children that have passed away this year at the childrens hospital. That was nice. I figured Riley would got upset seeeing as he was there when you passed away. But it did not seem to brother him.
Thats why I find it so weird, he gets so upset when we go by the old hospital, but does not care about the one you died in.

Please look after baby claeb for us, dont take him so soon, his mommy and daddy just got him. Please help him to grow strong so he can go home.

Last weekend we went to your uncles wedding it was so nice. Im sorry that you were not there to go with us. But as we told him when he first brought it up. We will be there no matter what, with Ethan or he will no longer by with us. Well we got our answer.

I guess your no longer going to be the baby in the family. There is going to be a new grand baby. Please let this one be well. I dont think the family can handle another sick child right now.

I think each day about your smiling face. You would smile at anyone. One day dr thone walked in and told you what a big boy you were and you started bawling. it was so funny. He told you he was sorry and you gave him a big smile. Another day he came into the room and told you he was going to cook you a steak and you laughed at him.

There were many great people who looked after you in your life. I want to thank each and everyone of them for trying to make your life better.

Ok I think i have rambled enought tongiht.
Love you mom