I miss you so much Ethan

I just want to thank all of the readers of this blog for all of your support.
I want to thank God for giving me 2 sweet boys to love.
I don't understand why God gave us Ethan and then took him away so soon, but that may be something we never know.
I sad that we had such a short time with Ethan, but on the other hand Im glad it was not to long for him. That he does not have to go threw all the pain and the suffering anymore. He might not have know that he was suffering but I think he was. I long for the day when I get to see you again up in heaven, But know that to see you I will have to leave Riley here, which i don't want to do just yet.
I don't understand how you went from laughing and playing

To this in just over a day

I love you and miss you so much, Im so glad we got to do all the things we did with you. We got to feed you lots of crazy food you should not give a baby, we got to take you on a few stroller rides around the hospital, you got to see a dog, you got to see one of your great grandmothers.

Your first birthday will be coming up in a few months and It will be hard, but mom and dad and brother will go and do something nice to honor you.

As the days go by the pain seems to get a little less but then all at once it comes back like the day you left us. I just can't stop think why were we so selfish to not spend more time with you, when we had so little time with you as it was. Why did we not try harder to get you home, there are so many why and what ifs.

Please forgive me for being selfish and wanting to hold you, but by holding you I gave you no chance to fight, by holding you we gave up on you. Im sorry son, I love you so much, and wish we could have you back.
love mom