Missing you

I miss you tonight more then ever, I wish that you were at home with us, in a more real way then you are now. I sit and look at your ashes and think what would you be doing right now if you were alive. In just a few short days you would be going to your uncles wedding. You would get to see all of the family some of them for the first time.

Its almost what would be your first birthday, god why did you have to be taken from us so soon, I miss you so much. I wish each and everyday that I had had more time to spend with you and not so selfishly spending time with everyone else. I wish i could turn back time and have sent you to seattle sooner maybe they could have helped you more.

On Sunday I will go to another memorial service for you, at the hospital where you left us. Thats going to be so hard to walk in there and know thats the last place i ever got to hold you, that I wont hold you again untill we meet again in heaven. I wish that had been able to sepend more time with you once you had pasted, I feel like everyone rushed me away from you. It was important for me to spend alittle more time with you, even if you were not really there with me. Even it it was just with your lifeless body. Those last few minutes we held you, you looked nothing like yourself, almost the size of Riley, you were still so beautifl to me.

It was one of the hardest thing I ever had to do was leave you in that room all by yourlself, there was nothing more anyone could do for you, god had chosen it was your time to go. But im my mind it was to soon, You never got to experiance life outside the hospital, you never got to do anyhting except be a sick child.

You will never get you first kiss, never play ball with your dad or your brother.. never get to go to prom or on a date.. drive a car, get married or have children. Im so sorry that you never got to experience thses things.

I love you always and forever
Mom